Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
