oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
how drunk are you?
Several
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize