she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
