I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
