Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
