I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
