so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
