There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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