you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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