i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
