at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
