and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
