Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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