If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
