I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
