I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
