the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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