I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
