Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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