about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
