Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
