Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
