I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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