Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
