If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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