i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
