I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dick very happy bro
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize