sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
