I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
