i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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