The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
