her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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