does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
