there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
