just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
