Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
