She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
