what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
