O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
