Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
