so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I enjoy the company of your penis
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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