i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
