fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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