Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
