She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
