wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
