then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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