I like my sex mixed with concussions.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
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