if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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