Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
