the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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