I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
