Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
