It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
