My liver just broke up with me...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
