Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
