So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
