Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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