when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
