even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
