Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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