guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
