just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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