Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
