morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
