I cockslap morals
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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