it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
