apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
