I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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