i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
